Know What You Are, My Son
Some people like to look at the world and see something that they can be within it. Say things like ‘there’s so much to do, or so much to see’ and yet I often wondered what they meant by that. What does it mean to be in control of one’s own fate? To manipulate the flow of all existence to bend to their own will? It’s a power that no one being is capable of to my understanding. No matter how much strength, no matter how much dexterity, skill, knowledge, understanding, no matter how much if it one person may have all it takes is a single motion by the hands of another to disrupt that flow and distort your willful existence. Gaining it back being nearly impossible once it manages to happen. That’s simply how fate works. It isn’t something that a single entity might have control over… because that entity’s own fate is still capable of being touched by the hands of a dynasty.
My fate was decided the moment I was born. Subject to this existence in which my every move had already been decided. Before I could walk, before I could speak, before I could even comprehend it all my fate was decided; I was made to be something specific from the very beginning. I wasn’t made to hold onto excess thoughts or emotions. My every moment was meant to be calculated, planned, focused. Like a sharpened blade I’d sever the tendons that bind me to morality, like a well aimed bullet I’d pierce through the bones of capability.
I was never told that my fate was not my own. Rather I was assured that ‘the path I walked was one laid out for me by rightful means.’ It did not occur to me at the time that my life was being laid out before me, that my fate was being controlled so thoroughly, that the fragments that made up my mind were being pulled apart and forced back into places they did not belong. Every hardship, every trial, it was all meant for me to arrive at a certain point. My destined fate. Even so I thought that I was doing what was right, even though I was told it did not matter. I chose to believe I was working towards a proper cause, although I was assured that these thoughts were meaningless. I had hoped that what I was being steered towards was the path of a hero, a champion, someone that could be looked upon with thoughts of valor and honor! Yet I was always reminded that there was no need for such things. I thought I had been growing, struggling, suffering, consistently falling and getting back up just so that I could become a reliable hero for my people… then I came to simply realize how wrong I was through proper experience.
“Nier, you’re finally here.” Nammay spoke the same way he always did. As if nothing were wrong. “You have work to do.”
“Of course. Tell me the details and I will handle it as best as I can.”
“There’s no need to be so strict. As I told you before, your work is rather free form.” The ancient spoke as he handed me a sealed document. It had a stamp, although it was common and unable to track. Knowing who it was from would be impossible without reading it. “You won’t be given a major job for some time so just get used to your work. I’m expecting satisfactory results from you as always.”
“Yes sir. I will not fail.”
He sighed, as if displeased with me in some manner and yet I could not understands. Was this not how I was meant to be? Mother seemed to be displeased as well by my demeanor, but is this not what is to be expected of me? Am I not meant to be this way for the sake of my fate? A fate crafted by that man for this express purpose, I did not suffer for nothing.
“The details are within that document and as always I did not read it. Who it is from is unknown, the contents are also unknown. As always the details are to remain solely in your own care and to never be shared. Do you understand?”
“Of course. It will be done.” He always asked that question as if believing I might forget. Then again secrecy has always been of the utmost importance for me. “If that is all I shall handle this immediately.”
“There’s no need to rush, Nier. Just do as you’re asked and relax. No need to push yourself too far.”
A nod was all that was needed as I was sent back home. Finding myself in my office again, or rather my father’s office, I looked around at the steel walls with a sense of familiarity. The moment he disappeared this had all become mine and yet I found myself regretting the need. Perhaps I found myself at odds with how it came about, but it did not matter. I would need all of these tools for my work, and I would need to increase the amount present in the future. The large wall lined with multiple sliding metal drawers a steady reminder that this room was meant to be a place for nothing more than the very essence of my work. It was that reminder that made me feel every single piece of equipment within the walls as I sat in my desk and flicked my fingers, the heavy locks setting into place on the only entrance inside.
The document seemed… heavy. As if its contents were somehow weighing me down and yet I opened it just as I did every other. Often times there were detailed instructions on who I was meant to take care of and how they wanted it to be done, but this time it was completely different. All that was within the document was a slip of paper and a photograph. The photograph was a woman with light brown hair, eyes a vibrant blue with hints of green and a smile that could draw even the hardest of hearts to bend. It was a shame they would certainly have to die and yet the slip of paper is what worried me most.
‘Kill the woman as well as everyone within her care. The means are entirely up to you. Leave no one alive.’
So simple and yet so dreadful. Perhaps that smile held jagged intentions, sharpened by something I have yet to understand. They didn’t give a location or anything to properly know where to find them, but the background of the picture gave it all away. The architecture was reminiscent of Spain so that was where I would go. From there it would be simple to find her of course. However, it would be more difficult to discover who these people within her care were. For now, it would be best to simply decide on how to best go about handing this, although the methods were rather free form.
As my hand swayed through the air two of the drawers opened and from within them came an array of certain items. From one came a short metal bow with a small metal box, the other a short sword and dagger. No one would bat an eye at the short sword, the dagger and bow however would be concealed and used only when needed. I fold the bow in half check the small metal box, the bowstring within still in perfect condition and I close it just as quickly as I open it. I check both blades to assure they are in perfect condition and once done then it is time for the job to commence. I look over the paper and picture once more, engraining then both into my mind before lighting the candle which rested at my desk and lighting it all aflame. Once no trace remained I unlocked the door, and with my weapons of choice in tow it was time to go. I did not, however, expect my mother to be waiting for me on the other side of the door.
“Are you leaving for work?” Her voice always sounds so concerned. It makes me feel bad to go at all, and yet I have no choice.
“Yes. I will settle this quickly and be back home. I’ll make my way there by normal means, but I will call on Nammay to have me brought back so the travel will not be awfully long.”
“You look tired, my son. You should rest. I haven’t seen you sleep in days.”
“I’ll be fine. I’ll have more than enough time for rest along the way, however sleep is of little importance. I must focus.”
“I know you respect the ancients and I know you have a duty to complete when requested, but you must take care of yourself. Can you promise me that you will at least do that?”
“Of course.” I find myself sighing as I give in. “There’s no need to worry. Now I must go, the sooner this is all complete the better.”
I can see that she desires some form of assurance and as such all I can give her is a hug before taking my leave. I can feel my heart racing, pounding in my chest. I feel as if I should stay with her and make certain that she isn’t suffering and yet this feeling or worry is unnecessary. I was taught to ignore these things, cast these feelings aside as they meant nothing to my work. I aspire to be the hero who can always be relied on. If I plan to do this then I can’t turn back, and I must continue forward. It’s the only option.
“We’re here!” The voice wakes me from my sleep, eyes wandering around the area to find I had arrived in Spain slightly earlier than planned. “The ride was smoother than expected and we managed to avoid any storms along the way!”
“I see. That’s good.” Why was he yelling?
“Do you have our agreed payment?”
“I do, as you well know. Here you are.” I reach into my pocket and from within I pull out a small diamond. It wasn’t much, but humans tend to find them rather valuable. “If that is all I will be on my way.”
“Take care friend! If you need another trip across the water I’ll be glad to help!”
I didn’t bother giving a response beyond a friendly wave as I left the ship. The docks were as busy as always and there were people everywhere. I had expected the trip to take more time and as such to arrive at night, but apparently a smooth trip was destined for me and as such I would be early. I secure my sword at my side and make certain that my cloak is affixed properly before continuing on my way. For now, it would be best to simply find the location on the photo and start from there. It looked as if she were on a normal walk speaking with a passerby, so it was most likely an area she often passed though. As such finding her would be simple. I just have to go there and wait for her to show herself.
My steps through the busy streets were all calculated, eyes examining every single horse or carriage that passed by and remembering the faces of anyone who seemed relatively important at all. It wasn’t that I cared for them, rather it was important for me to make note of their existence. You never knew what connections people had or how far the roots of some evil might go, and it was because of that it was paramount to remain vigilant and on guard. My target had people in her care who would need to be taken care of and if those in her care were people of import than it would be good to know even the slightest hint about them beforehand. My bow was well concealed on my back and my dagger was tucked away in my sleeve, I had to remain prepared at all times. Just as with gathering information I should be constantly prepared to engage in combat. It never hurt to be careful in every sense of the word, but it was even more important when I found myself looking directly at the scene from the background of the photo.
'That was fast,' the thought passed through my mind, but it was more correct to say I had been moving rather quickly. “Excuse me sir.”
“Yes?” The male answers easy enough. He looked rather aged and lacking aggression.
“Do you know where I could get a cheap meal around here?”
“Ah, of course. There is an old shop around that corner with a large yellow sign. It only sells bread and dry pasta, but it’s all affordable for anyone low on funds. The owner even allows tabs if you can’t pay upfront at the time.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your help.”
The people of this city were kind. Aside from the normal ruffians and delinquents he looked as if he had lived a life he could be content with and most of the elders he had come across gave off the same aura. The children were energetic, parents compassionate and proper. It was difficult not to smile when looking upon the sights and community. I found myself relaxing ever so slightly as I walked around the corner and toward the shop I was told of. The yellow sign clear as day. I didn’t bother to read the name as I stepped inside, my mind more focused on getting a small meal to fill my stomach. The interior was nothing special, simple, and rural, the makings of your average bakery and the owner was no doubt the heavyset male standing behind the counter. He held a healthy smile on his face that was almost contagious, but most importantly he was hard at work doing exactly as the older man had stated. Hard at work with his namesake.
“Hello sir! Is there anything I can help you with?” I offer him a smile in return for his words, the basis of drawing little suspicion to myself. “I sell both bread and multiple different types of pasta if that’s what you’re looking for.”
“Hello, I was just hoping to buy a loaf of bread. The type does not matter, I simply require a meal.”
“Of course!” He spoke as he moved about behind the counter. “You look to be new in town.”
“Yes, I just arrived by boat. I friend of mine needed some help moving cargo for the first time and I wanted something to eat besides the normalcy they eat aboard before we head back out to sea.” A lie of course. No doubt this man would never see him again and that was best. This meal was meant to last him until it was time for his return.
“I see. It is always nice to help out a friend.” The male spoke as the sound of the bell chiming at the door caught his attention. “Ah! Well look who it is! I’m assuming you’re here for your regular order?”
“You’re correct, as always. It seems we run out of food even faster these days.” A female voice. One that didn’t leave a shred of hostility in the air and yet I could tell from the moment she stepped into the shop… both her and I were instantly on our guard in one another’s presence.
“Well lucky for you I was expecting you to show up. Your order is already made and in the back, I’ll get it for you.”
The male stepped through the doorway which led to the back of the shop and after doing so the room was left silent. I could hear her footsteps inching ever closer in a nervous manner, but most importantly there wasn’t any metal on her person. A lack of a proper weapon. The scent of Florita’s house clung to the air as soon as she entered the building and the closer she came the more it filled my nose. I turned to face her, to see what this claimant wanted from me and upon doing so I was met with a surprise. My target. She looked timid yet oddly frightened for having just run into him so casually, but above all else she seemed increasingly exhausted.
“May I help you?” I question her. Seeing if I could possibly inquire of her reason to approach.
“Oh! No, no. I was simply curious is all. I’ve never seen anyone from your house before. What are you doing around here?”
“Business, as usual. I won’t be here for long.”
“I see. My name is Vientta. Perhaps next time you’re around we can talk if you have the time. I find myself to be rather busy, but it would be nice to speak with another claimant every once in a while.”
“Perhaps.” If only she knew where her fate led her.
“Alright! Here you are! This should be more than enough to last throughout the week.” The male spoke as he emerged from the back room with a large sack over his shoulder. “Will you be capable of paying this time around?”
“I apologize, but could you add this to my tab? I won’t be getting paid for a few weeks.”
“They pushed your pay back again. I swear, those vultures should be jailed for the way they treat their workers. They couldn’t even do their jobs properly without you there.”
“It’s fine. Besides, many places wouldn’t even hire someone with my set of skills. I don’t mind it at all— “
“How much would it be?” I question the baker, wondering why I even chose to do so.
“For the lady? Well, it would be about fifty euros, but that’s no concern for you sir— “
I reach into my pocket and feel for the needed amount, grabbing triple that and placing it on the countertop. “I’ll pay, as well as for the lady’s next three visits if the price remains the same.” That right, I can’t help myself with these things. I’ve always believed that being a hero should come without question, being a champion for others need not garner praise or reward. It should be something you do without thinking. Even my work was that of a hero’s, doing what others could not in order to insure a better tomorrow. Some can’t take lives that need to be taken, and that’s exactly what heroes must do for the things they wish to protect. For a real and ideal peace.
“You don’t have to do that!” The woman called out to my surprise. “I can handle this on my own.”
“It’s not about that.” I respond as if on command. “Sometimes we act on our own and other times we act by the order of others. If I can choose to act on my own then I will always choose what I believe is right. Sometimes we don’t have a choice, but so long as I do I will choose to help. Let me do this.”
“Are you sure about this?” The baker asked to which I simply nodded in response and watched as he retrieved he currency and handed the female claimant her items. If I weren’t trying to remain so forgettable I might have paid for the entire year, but that couldn’t be done. “There you are, Vientta.”
“Thank you.” She spoke to the baker before turning her attention to me and lowering her head into a bow. “And thank you, sir. I appreciate this more than you know, and I will pay you back someday.”
“My name is Nier… and there’s no need. If I were so inclined to need the money back I would have never spent it.”
“Nier. Thank you, Nier. I won’t forget your kindness.”
You probably should.
“Take care! Tell the little ones their uncle misses them!”
“Of course, and you as well. I’ll make sure to let them all know.” The woman waved to both of them as she exited the shop. A sickening feeling filled my stomach, yet I forced it down.
“Who was that woman and why does she require so much food?” I question the baker to which he sighs and resumes preparing my own food.
“That’s Vientta. She showed up around here some several years back, said she came from the north. Every guy in town wants to marry her because she’s so kind-spirited, but she rarely has time to entertain them. I’m surprised she even spoke to you much at all. She normally comes in, gets her order, then heads back to the orphanage across town.”
“Orphanage?” Perhaps that was the place she worked.
“Well, perhaps that’s not the best name to give it,” he spoke as he handed me a bag with my order. “It’s actually a rather small home, but she makes do with what she has there. If you ask me I’d say she’s far too kind. Every child who gets abandoned or is left without a home manages to find their way into her arms and home, but she can only do so much on her own. All she ever does is work and it’s because if this that she rarely even gives anyone the time of day. She’s made many enemies amongst the men of this town because of it, but she’s not cold to them on purpose.”
“I see. There simply isn’t time to do secondary things.”
“A few foreigners come around often, and she tends to find herself dealing with their advances, but none of them have ever gotten as much of a conversation out of her as you have.”
“We barely even spoke.”
“Exactly. All of her time is put towards her work and the children in her care.” Hearing the male say those words cause my eyes to go wide, the teal orbs sharpening into blades as I found myself struggling to keep my teeth from grinding together. “Are you okay? Sir?”
“Y-yes. I’m fine.” I respond as I calm myself. “Just found myself agitated at the thought of it. So much work for a single person.”
“Yes, but it’s what she’s decided to do. I’ve tried to convince her to do something different and she refuses to abandon those children or put them in anyone else’s care. If she’s not working in the gardens she’s taking care of those children.”
“I see. Well, I thank you for entertaining my question. I should be getting back before I’m missed,” I speak as I reach into my pocket to get the proper payment, but the baker stops me and shakes his head.
“Look kid, you’re young so you probably couldn’t tell, but I was never going to charge the lady. I’ve been alive for over sixty long years and few people are willing to sacrifice their own pleasure for the sake of others. You don’t have to pay me anything, just keep being a good person and I’ll take that as payment enough.”
I look at the male, the sincerity in his eyes something I’ve never been capable of understanding in the past and yet it was so clear to me now. I find myself at a loss for words and watch as he offers me the money I had already give him for the woman back, but I simply smile and nod before leaving the building without taking it. The world needs kind people like him in order to nurture those who might otherwise become those we call evil in his absence. Besides… I couldn’t take anymore from him. Not when I was about to do what I was going to do.
The sun has fallen beneath the horizon rather quickly, the darkness overshadowing the city like a blanket of thick concealment as I slipped through the streets like a phantom. My mission was clear now, to ‘kill the woman as well as everyone within her care.’ Who would ask for something like this? Who would demand a task so vile? Who would… who would be so shameless as to follow out the duty?
“I don’t have a choice,” I tell myself as if wanting to erase the clear knowledge of just how terrible what I was about to do was. “This is my duty and mine alone. It was given to me by my ancient, a person who is incapable of doing wrong. Is that not what you told me?” A foolish thought, one that ignored that Nammay did not read the requests I received unless they came directly from other ancients.
My words pause as I stop in my tracks, eyes looking forward toward the simple building with the lights still on. It was on the edge of town just as the baker had said, but it looked worse than I had originally expected. The structure crumbling in places, the streets surrounding the area covered in litter and garbage. The only thing which was in order would be the plant life which surrounded the premises, but that was to be expected. It almost looked as if it were literally holding the building together.
My breaths feel staggered as if struggling to escape my lungs. A feeling of suffocation held in my throat, yet I swallow it down. As I approach the building it’s completely silent, all but a slight shuffling and clattering of items within a single room. I enter the building through the front entrance, my mind like flayed flesh as it struggles to remain on target, my hands as cold as ice as I grip the dagger from its location and hold it at the ready. I pass through a larger room filled with sleeping children, counting nine in total no older than the age of seven, but I continue forward until I reach the door where I can still hear movement on the other side. I open the door without making a single sound, my steps in tune with the very wind and before she can even notice my presence in the room behind her as she combs through her hair I notice tears in her eyes.
In that brief moment I hear her gasp, she turns as I lunge forward with the dagger and as she turns to see me the blade lodges itself into her heart. She could not see my face, the hood covering my head and the mask over my mouth making sure of that, but even so she still struggled out words I would surely never forget.
“N-Nier,” I release the weapon and catch her before she can fall. Lowering her down in my arms as she instinctively grabs for my hand. No… most likely anything to hold onto. “Why— “
“I’m sorry. This was just my job, my duty. I cannot ignore it.”
I thought that would be it, the end of this final conversation and yet she reaches her hand up to my face and wipes away at my cheek. An odd action and yet she spoke again.
“N-no, Nier. W-why are you crying?”
I could not speak, could not utter a word, could not comprehend what was unfolding right before me. This woman who was dying in my arms, by my very hands, still had more concern for others than herself. Why was I doing this? Why was I taking this person’s life? What did they do to deserve this? I hunched over as I struggled to breathe, wrapping my arms around her entirely as I pulled her into a tight embrace. It was selfish of me and yet I could not think of anything else to give her, to give the woman who’s life I had claimed, and she still chose to wrap her arms around me as if I were her friend.
“I’m sorry. Things shouldn’t have been like this.”
“It’s okay, Nier… we’re both claimants. W-we don’t get to decide things like this sometimes… I-it’s as you said… it cannot be… ignored…”
I could feel it, how tightly her fingers gripped onto me in her last moments just before giving up and falling to the floor. The sensation of someone desperately clinging to life with everything they have to no avail… I lay her down on the floor and gently remove the dagger from her body, placing it back into its sheath before drawing my short sword from its position. I can still hear her words echoing through my mind, repeating over and over again. My heart racing, my vision blurring, my mind scrambling for answers and yet I could not stay that way for long and I could hear the wooden floorboards of the building creak behind me.
“Mother Vientta?” The child’s voice causes my head to turn slowly. A little girl who still seemed half asleep yet more than awake to see the scene before her.
My eyes lock onto her like that of a snake eying its prey. She wasn’t focused on my, rather her eyes remained on the motionless and bleeding form of the woman on the floor at my feet. She didn’t utter a word. These were simply the effects of shock no doubt, but that did not stop my job, my duty. My eyes felt as if they were burning as I approached her, my vision shaky and impaired, my hand unable to remain steady as my sword rose above my head and as my sword sliced though the air downward did my vision clear for a single moment. I could see it clearly, the sight of this child’s tears in her eyes as she looked to me for answers that would never come, for aid that I could not render. Then that moment passed, my breaths quickly paced and heavy as my blade fell…
“Nier, answer me this… what do you believe we’re doing all of this for? What do you believe you’re going to become?”
“You said I was doing this to become an assassin for the ancients, father.”
“Indeed, that is what I said. However, That is not what I asked of you. I asked what YOU believe you’re going to become.”
“What I believe I’m going to become?” I paused for a moment before a smile spread over my face. “A hero.”
“A hero?”
“Yes. I believe that I will be able to be a hero after all of this. Someone who can be there to help others, to make certain that people can be happy and safe. A champion who others can look up to. That’s what I believe I will become.”
I smiled with that answer, gave it with all of my heart and soul. I thought of every other claimant that had existed before me or during my life who’s names were held in high regard. I thought of the ancients and treasures, of the Aikekunai and the real champions. I thought I was saying something that mattered… and yet my father laughed in my face. I remember it so vividly I often dream of it.
“Don’t be so naïve, I’ve raised you better than that. I told you to relinquish those emotions of yours. Cast them aside because they mean nothing to your work and will only hinder you. You will be an assassin, and not just any assassin. You will be a legend who will be remembered throughout all history, Nier. Whether you’re helping someone or not does not matter, your fate was decided the moment you were born. However, if you continue down this path of defiance for that fate… you will soon find that you’re no hero at all.”
“What do you mean? If I’m fighting for the ancients doesn’t that make me a hero?”
“A hero is a term crafted by those who seek some power that can save them from themselves. Someone who, against all odds, will be capable of stepping in at the last moment to save someone in their time of need. In those regards a hero slays villains. A hero, fights evil. Yet you’re an assassin, Nier. You may kill a corrupt king, you may slay an evil ruler, your skills might touch down on the souls of the vilest men alive… however, you will discover that on the opposite end of that spectrum you will also do what you must to accomplish your duty.”
“If I’m an assassin for good then wouldn’t that still make me a hero?”
“There is no such thing as an assassin for good! Don’t confuse yourself.” I remember the long pause which made the silence even more dreadful before he spoke again. Spoke the words I would never be capable of forgetting. “Good or evil doesn’t matter. What matters is that your job is done. When the time comes, and you plunge your blades through your targets… you will find that you’re no hero at all. Quite the opposite in fact.” His hand resting on my shoulder as he looked me directly in the eyes. The words which now made so much sense. "Never forget. Know what you are, my son."
Weeks had past before Nammay called on me. I had forgotten that I was supposed to return to him. I did not answer, but I found myself still stumbling into the Gulf at his summons. My legs were tired, my arms heavy. It felt as if I hadn’t blinked in days. I did not want tot to close my eyes, fearful that if I did I might see them again. I might hear them again. The voices were all flushed out, all I could hear were the sounds of my own footsteps on the familiar ground of a place I called home. It felt as if someone were trying to communicate with me and yet I could not comprehend it. It was as if there was nothing I could do outside of focus. Focus on staying awake, focus on not letting myself see it all again.
“Nier!” Nammay called out as he pressed his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Nier! What’s wrong with you?”
The ancient shook him as if attempting to wake him from slumber and yet it was to no avail. It seemed as if there would be no getting him to properly speak and yet it was Chaemai who chose to step in, having been present for his return. The ancient pressed her hand against his chest and with it came a shock which flowed though his system like entangling vines. To their surprise it looked to have barely even affected him, but it was enough to cause the male to finally look in their direction. His eyes were like catalysts for malice and cruelty.
“Nier?” Nammay spoke as he looked over him.
He looked and smelled as if he hadn’t showered since the last time they had spoken, the scent of open air and blood clinging to him tightly. His clothes were dirty and dingy, the cloak wrinkled and dusty, hair unkempt and messy, but most importantly was the dry blood which clung to the majority of his body. Splatters of it all over his cloak, his pants nearly stained entirely, his shirt speckled with red, some had even stained his hair and covered his arms as well as part of his face. His eyes however, they held onto the same faint teal glow yet looked more like that of what you’d find on a serpent. It looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks.
“Nier,” Chaemai spoke as she placed her hand on his cheek. The feeling of dried blood secondary as she attempted to garner his full attention. “Talk to us Nier. Tell us what happened.”
His eyes shifted to her, hints of sadness resting behind the malicious intent which emanated from his gaze and yet the smile which accompanied it was even more terrifying. A chuckle slipping from his lips before he finally spoke and in that same moment his stare softened to the regular kind look he always had.
“Oh my, what a farce!” I spoke as my balance wavered, a slight chuckle escaping my throat although I could not manage to understand why I chose to laugh... “Imagine me being so stupid that I didn’t realize the entire time, that I was the villain all along.”